Will I ever measure up???

I had lunch this week with a couple of friends. One friend was talking about a guy he knows whose dad was a college basketball coach. The son played for his dad in college. Dad pushed him pretty hard. It got to a point where the son went to talk to his dad and said he was thinking about quitting. Coach (Dad) said, "If you quit the team, you quit our family." As the son was pondering that one, his mom called, saying, "What are you doing to your dad?" My friend said the son recently confided to my friend that during those dark days he actually contemplated suicide...What would it be like to think you never measured up? And more than that, never measured up to the person that mattered most, had the greatest influence in your life? As I thought about that story, I thought about my son. I push him pretty hard at times. And just last week, he said, "Do you know what it feels like to always feel like it's never good enough?" Ouch! I don't want my son to feel that from me...And if he feels that way because of what I say or don't say, do or don't do, what I don't affirm in him, how I get down on him, what image of God will he grow up with? What picture of God will he leave our home with? Is God never satisfied...always disappointed? Will I ever measure up? Or, could it be that God is my biggest fan? My best cheerleader? Cheering me on? And if he is, what would it be like for me to show that to my son?

2008 Quotes for the year...

Keep a clear eye toward life’s end. Do not forget your purpose and destiny as God’s creature. What you are in His sight is what you are and nothing more. Do not let worldly cares and anxieties or the pressures of office blot out the divine life within you or the voice of God’s spirit guiding you in your great task of leading humanity to wholeness. If you open yourself to God and his plan printed deeply in your heart, God will open himself to you.
St. Francis

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.
Jesus-Matthew 11:28-30

We must care for our bodies as though they were going to live forever, but we must care for our souls as if we are going to die tomorrow.
Augustine

What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?
St. Paul-1 Corinthians 4:7

There are two ways to get enough. One is to continue to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less.
GK Chesterton

Joy and resentment cannot coexist.
Henri Nouwen-The Return of the Prodigal Son

We are therefore entrepreneurs of our lives, and each and every one of us is responsible for making the most of our talents and resources, exercising our callings, engaging fully in making a difference in our spheres of influence, and doing our utmost to help our neighbors in their need-including relieving their suffering and taking a stand against the evil that oppresses them…when we each exercise our responsible significance, and the significance of each of our callings overlaps with those of others, the ripples we make together can spread far and wide.
Os Guinness- Unspeakable: Facing up to the Challenge of Evil

Better than baptisms or marriages, funerals press the noses of the faithful against the windows of their faith…The afterlife begins to make the most sense after life-when someone we love is dead on the premises.
Thomas Lynch-the Undertaking: Life Studies from the Dismal Trade

All this flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.
Peace, reassurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love-a scholar’s parrot may talk Greek-
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.
Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack. I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow a man. And now the bridge is breaking
CS Lewis-Through the Shadowlands (when his wife, Joy, was dying…)

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.
St. Paul-1 Corinthians 13:4-7 The Message

Jesus said the kingdom of God is within, yet for two thousand years after him, we have kept looking outward for this kingdom rather than inside us. I am absolutely convinced of this one thing: God has placed cravings within your soul that will drive you insane or drive you to him. Your soul longs for God; you just may not know it yet…We run from the One our souls crave. It is insanity to run from God and search for love.
Erwin McManus-Soul Cravings

To exert thought is like digging a well. At first there is only muddy water. Later on, after one has done some drawing, clear water will come out. One’s thoughts are always muddy at first. After a long while they will naturally be nicely clear.
Cheng Yi

You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics—in physical laws—every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It's clear to me that Karma is at the very heart of the universe. I'm absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that "as you reap, so you will sow" stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I've done a lot of stupid stuff… I'd be in big trouble if Karma was going to finally be my judge. I'd be in deep s---. It doesn't excuse my mistakes, but I'm holding out for Grace. I'm holding out that Jesus took my sins onto the Cross, because I know who I am, and I hope I don't have to depend on my own religiosity…But I love the idea of the Sacrificial Lamb. I love the idea that God says, “Look, you cretins, there are certain results to the way we are, to selfishness, and there's a mortality as part of your very sinful nature, and, let's face it, you're not living a very good life, are you? There are consequences to actions.” The point of the death of Christ is that Christ took on the sins of the world, so that what we put out did not come back to us, and that our sinful nature does not reap the obvious death. That's the point. It should keep us humbled… It's not our own good works that get us through the gates of heaven.
Bono-Bono in Conversation with Michka Assayas

3 Generations - Grandpa, Mark and Drew - Elk Lake - Summer of 1994

Mountain Biking - Central Oregon - July 2008

Letting Go...

This summer Lyn and I had to "let go" of our daughter Lindsay. She graduated from high school, and though she prepared for college well, she decided to do a gap year and is spending a year in Switzerland as an au pair. She took four years of French in high school and wanted to become fluent. So, she'll have her chance...As we got close to the day of her departure (someone reminded me that the day she left, July 4, was "Independence Day"...) it was all I could do to put one foot in front of the other...I tried to think what this was like...about the only thing I could compare it to was losing my parents. My dad died 9/11/2000...and my mom passed away in November of '03...both losses were difficult. Again, at times in the days leading up to their deaths, it was all I could do to put one foot in front of the other...it was as though I knew a difficult day was coming...it was bound to come, but it was tough...In many ways, Lyn and I grieved the letting go...after all, you raise a child, a child you love deeply, unconditionally, for what...so they can stay home forever? No...so they can fly, soar and become the person they were meant to be. And for that to happen we had to do what? Let go...and in some ways, do more than let go...send...set her "free"...Even in the short two and a half months she's been gone, Lindsay has "soared" - she's gotten lost...and then found her way...(her first day of French class...). Had she been here, a call on the cell phone and we'd have bailed her out...there, she had to sort it out...she's made new friends, traveled, interacted with all sorts of people. Without us...We want to hold on to the things we cherish...sometimes letting go brings stuff we can't imagine...we know that now, even though it was so hard...and I'm sure we'll face times again where we'll try to hold on but need to let go...From the original cutting of the cord to this cutting of the cord...parenting is a continual process of letting go...when we let go, kids grow as they're meant to...and so do parents!

Family at Mt. Bachelor - Christmas 2007

Mark & wife, Lyn-August, 2007

Control or faith? My choice.

A couple of weeks ago, a client gave me a CD with an audio interview a guy named Steve Brown did with the author of "The Shack", Paul Young. Despite some of the controversy in religious circles about Young's theology...the book is creating discussion and thinking that I believe needs to take place in all of us. As I listened to the interview this week, two things stuck: 1) Young's comment that he would rather give up control than live a life without faith; without trust in God's ultimate goodness and care. I'll paraphrase what he said: "Control flies in the face of faith"...so often, I want order and management - no surprises, in my life. What do I miss? And what are the usual outcomes of my contolling tendencies? Usually relationship suffers. Wonder and joy tend to vanish in my controlled world. Adventure and surprise emerge in a world of faith. It's scary to let go of the trapeze bar of control and for a moment, freefall before grabbing hold of the bar of faith. Grabbing that new bar is like operating without a net. But what do I fear? In the end, do I fear a God who is never satisfied, who is a cosmic killjoy? Or, do I long to move toward him when he whispers again and again, "Do you trust me?" 2) Young draws from another brilliant author, Ravi Zacharias, when he comments on the relationship of Father, Son and Spirit: "Unity and diversity in the community of the Trinity." I believe part of our being made in God's image is the element of God's love that says, "This relationship we (the Trinity) live is too good not to share... Let's make people in our image...so that they can taste what we experience together...the fulness of relationship."